Suffer and cut ties with your ex or want to win back the object of our flame. It is a dilemma that arose for those who have undergone a sentimental breakdown that marked them. The goal: pick up the pieces and re-enchant his love life.
To regret your ex is a common thing
It is common in the first months after a breakup to want to reconnect with the one who broke our heart. And for good reason, depending on the duration of the relationship, it may happen that an emotional dependence is created and an emotional vacuum occurs. This rift is created because a heartache can impact our self-confidence and, to stop the suffering, we do everything to come back together. Reconnecting is tempting after experiencing grieving-like emotions such as shock, astonishment, anger, sadness, or bargaining. After a separation, Rather, it's the good times that come to mind and make us want to say “I love you” to the loved one. This attachment can cause old partners to remain friends and even start a new love affair. Experts talk about the frequency of this sentimental probability which leads to a decisive reunion for the partners. While some are sure that getting back together with your ex is a bad idea, science says it's good to have sex with your ex.
Why do we want to win back our ex?
Wanting to get your ex back is normal when we feel unfinished after a breakup. When feelings are still strong, it is possible to fall back in love with someone with whom we have shared great memories. Asked by Elite Daily, Susan Trombetti, Founder of Matchmaking Dating Site, explains why we may, consciously or not, have hopes of getting our loved one back even when we think we have turned the page. " Once you love someone, unless your respect for them is destroyed, you can always love it again ”, confirms the entrepreneur. For her, it is because this person knows our secrets, our hopes and our dreams that we can easily create an emotional intimacy with them and be able to easily say "I still love you" to them. "It is difficult to leave an ex and since he was such a part of your life, it is quite normal to fall in love again" explains the one whose mission is to pick up broken hearts.
What happens when the relationship is over?
If you sometimes want to get your ex back, it's because it's so difficult to break with your past. It is also complicated to face a disappointment in love and all that it implies as questioning. Forgetting your ex involves a deep reconstruction of the Ego which is more difficult to achieve than simply giving in to the temptation to save your marriage. This is what Heather Kristian Strang, couple coach explains. “You won't fall in love with an ex. Love has always been there, the question now is if there is more work to do together or more joy to be drawn from this relationship, ”she explains. She adds that if the latter was tumultuous then wanting to get back together with the former loved one is absolutely not a good idea. While Susan Trombetti is more moderate in saying that if things change, a new love affair is possible. But she insists that a breakup always happens for a reason. The expert wants to be optimistic by explaining that when the problems of couples are repairable, it is worth to let come back or to go to his ex. “If it's a crippling flaw like compulsive lying, infidelity or abuse, then you should never go back,” she advises.
Is it possible to find a happy relationship with your ex?
Relayed by Femina, romances between the exes who have taken over take place on the planet people. Among them, singer Phil Collins and Orianne who got back together ten years after their divorce. Robert neuburger, psychiatrist, explains that these returns to the former partner are more and more frequent. For the specialist, it is love that motivates them but also a story of generations. " These people have sometimes seen their parents divorce and they don't want to repeat the same mistakes. For them, the stable and sincere duo is very valuable, ”he emphasizes. The reduction in the duration of marriage also has a role to play in this propensity to try to win back the loved one. This nostalgia is also a driving force in the desire to try to get back together with his former partner. Stephen Vasey, sociologist and couple therapist explains that for the singer and his ex-wife, it is parenthood that has been a glue. “In the case of Orianne and Phil Collins, we can imagine that they have kept a healthy relationship and that their role as parents is a thread that has remained alive between them,” she analyzes.
Live a break up to find each other better
While romantic breakups are inevitable for some, it can be different when it comes to married life. And for good reason, this painful separation can bear fruit when you have taken the time to analyze the past relationship. On the second attempt, this old love can even turn into a perfect romance. The reason ? This exit from the comfort zone raises questions about the progress to be made to carry out this relationship. A break therefore acts as a driving force to better understand what we can personally improve. The partners can then work on themselves to learn how to seduce their ex again. The key is to put in good will to put the past behind you. A long work on oneself will have to consolidate this new beginning.
How not to make mistakes when winning back?
It will be understood, it is possible to start a new life with your ex and to start a serene couple life. Only, we must learn the lessons of the failures of this romantic relationship. For Annie De Falcis, mediator for couples and families, this distance can be a chance when you know how to ask the right questions. "We can quickly be caught up in the past" alert as for her, Pamela Cappello, psychologist. She adds that the keys to getting back together after a breakup are communication and honesty. "This requires a good dialogue from the start so as not to go back to its shortcomings," said the expert. And for good reason, this new beginning must be a seduction as in the first days. Reclaiming one's place requires patience and a real love which motivates this desire to reach out to the person who has been lost for a time. Alexandre Cormont, love coach, recommends letting your emotions settle down and refocus on yourself so as not to make the same mistakes in the future. The coach advises to wait at least three months before trying to get back together with your ex. For the specialist, this breakup of the couple can be an opportunity to evolve towards the well-being together. " This painful event can change a person as long as new ways of functioning are put in place. », Says the specialist in seduction. To support this theory, he cites the example of a forty-something man left by his wife because he devoted all his time to his work. The latter has rebuilt her life with a man who paid her more attention. This ordeal caused a real change in her ex-spouse who changed jobs and put in many efforts to lead a more balanced life. Changes that have borne fruit since he managed to seduce his ex-wife again. "He managed to prove himself by showing that he had really changed," he analyzes.
Change your perception of the couple
After introspection, comes the time to live up to its promises. After the euphoria of reunion, it is important to show that we have really changed, but not only. It is also essential to know how to let go by lowering your guard and being less uncompromising on the partner's faults, which are already known. “The more we have a high ideal, the more we will be under pressure. To walk a long way together, you have to expect less from each other and let go of some unattainable demands, ”advises couple therapist Stephen Vasey. Resuming a relationship requires regaining maturity in order to learn to stop focusing on issues. "We can leave saying Ok, I can accept that and lower the bar this time around" recommends the specialist in married life.
Should we forgive everything?
When you decide to get back together, you must be ready to put behind you the litigation that you feed towards your partner who may have committed a marital fault. At this point, it will be necessary to get rid of his grudge to move forward. "Everything is forgivable even if we do not forget. It takes time to digest certain things, but if the other person expresses sincere regrets, we can accept to set off again in a new dynamic ”, underlines Annie De Falcis. Alexandre Cormont is also in favor of a new page when we give ourselves a new chance to be two. The coach thinks that it is possible to question oneself in order to win back the loved one.
In the event that reconciliation is not possible, how to completely forget your ex?
Getting your old partner out of your mind takes time, and it depends on how intense the feelings are and how long you have been in the relationship. Recovering from a breakup is not easy but it is an essential step for a fulfilling love life. Transcending a sentimental disappointment involves resilience because of all the hopes invested in this union that have been shattered. A sudden rupture is also very painful and can cause the abandoned person to become depressed. " Create a personal space and interrupt the communication to be able to move on », Advises the founder of the dating site. She adds, based on her experience with the people she guides, that attachment to the former partner is the first obstacle to finding the love of her life. "I always say: 'Everyone is hooked on someone, whether it is real or in their head,'" she testifies, recommending never to compare her partners to her ex-boyfriend or her ex-girlfriend. -friend.
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