Testimony: the damage of toxic friendships
Even if we tend to forget it, friendship can do as much damage as love and all the more when it is the people closest to you who play with your feelings ...
Friendship is an important factor in life especially if, like me, you are not very close to your family. Personally, I have always been keen to invest myself fully in all my relationships. I have a very deep conception of friendship based on respect, communication, presence and support. I have (many) faults but I try to be the friend on whom we can count, who will listen without judging, who will encourage, push up and give advice without restriction. If I love, I give my all and I can go out of my way to make the other happy and to feel devastated if something happens to him. And it is because I take things to heart that I have been broken by certain friendships.
However, this kindness often played tricks on me. To begin with, when you are so generous, you open the door to people who are not necessarily benevolent and who use this kindness against you. They mistake your dedication for weakness. Because to give to everyone is to give to anyone. It is even worse when you are shy even if there are solutions to overcome this. And generally, these people use me when they are at their worst and then allow themselves to step on me. I no longer count the number of times this has happened.
I am also responsible, of course. I tend to want to save those who suffer, even if it means forgetting me. But I do it with love and without thinking because it's part of my personality. I have experienced the pain as well as the pain and if I can help someone feel better, I do so without any hesitation. I'm trying to be the friend I want.
However, despite all my good intentions, human nature is not tender. Because as soon as you are the type to take on yourself to avoid arguments and to always be there for others despite everything (whether they deserve it or not), we catalog you and we manipulate you. Fortunately, not everyone is the same and there are people who will respect and appreciate you for your true worth. But it's important to assert yourself.
I made the mistake of not doing it enough and of finding myself in situations that made me suffer terribly. Often, the smallest mistake I made was subject to judgment, I was punished by being excluded. When I gave my sincere opinion, I was rejected because I didn't like it. Yes, if you are very encouraging, you may be angry with you when on the contrary you are a little less because you simply do not agree. Everything is an excuse to pretend you are the culprit.
These poisonous people always expected more from me without trying to be there when I really needed it by striving to “make me grow” when some of my attitudes did not please them, to make fun, to talk to each other, to wondering what my problem was when I was just uncomfortable living with them and their judgments. This is not to say that everything must be accepted but nobody is perfect and we love our loved ones despite their faults. Obviously, all this had consequences on what I am today. I have very little self-confidence and I constantly apologize for being the way I am. I also have a lot of trouble with confrontations and I prefer to disappear. But I am also stronger, able to free myself from the people who make me suffer rather than to forgive all the time. So you too can work on your self-confidence.
What I can advise you is to carefully choose those around you. If someone uses your link to put you lower than ground or if he does not accept you 100% with your faults and your qualities, he does not deserve you. You are important, you have a lot to offer, you have your place and you have to think about yourself. The break up will be hard, but it will benefit you in the long term. True friends will always be there no matter what you do and I hope you meet them on your way.
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